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Post by thestrangewinston on Jun 5, 2011 14:11:44 GMT -5
Im sick of getting my hopes up to have them struck down shortly after...
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Gina
Armadillo
Every second is a highlight.
Posts: 203
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Post by Gina on Jun 10, 2011 9:55:10 GMT -5
Okay. This is kind of a hard story to understand if you don't know my grandma. I'm not sure how to explain her, because I could say self-centered and elitist, but that doesn't seem to cover it all the way. Anyway, she has a habit of doing things to put me down. Dinner with her and her new husband is filled with insults disguised as "compliments" and comparing me to her "perfect" step-granddaughter. Now, second part of the story- a friend of the family died of breast cancer a little over two years ago, and before she died, bracelets were made similar to the "Livestrong" ones as a fundraiser for medical bills and general cancer awareness. I still wear the bracelet every day, no matter where I'm going or if what I'm wearing matches the pink. I know this might sound crazy, because it's only a bracelet, but it means something to me. My grandma buys jewelry for my sister, my step-cousin(?), and me from time to time. She always gets upset that I save those pieces for special occasions but wear my "plain old rubber" bracelet 24/7. So now every time she sees me, she'll have a bracelet that she wants to "replace" my pink bracelet with. She'll say things like "Maybe you can wear this instead of that piece of rubber" or "This is the kind of jewelry you should be wearing, not cheap dollar store stuff". The worst part was that one of the days she felt the need to comment on my choice of jewelry was very close to the one year anniversary of her death. I feel like it was meant to cut deep- and it did. Maybe I'm just getting a little too worked up over the situation, but I find it incredibly offensive. A good friend of mine died, and this was a bracelet made for a fundraiser for her. Unfortunately, she died before the fundraiser could take place, but the bracelet still holds the same meaning for everyone that owns one as it did before. To me it's not just a "piece of rubber" or "cheap dollar store stuff". It's a symbol of her life, and something I will keep with me forever. Someone tell me I'm not overreacting.  |
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Post by Olive on Jun 10, 2011 10:00:12 GMT -5
You're not overreacting, she's clearly being inconsiderate (and rather materialistic). Pay no mind.
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Post by onlyaworkingtitle on Jun 10, 2011 14:43:32 GMT -5
Okay. This is kind of a hard story to understand if you don't know my grandma. I'm not sure how to explain her, because I could say self-centered and elitist, but that doesn't seem to cover it all the way. Anyway, she has a habit of doing things to put me down. Dinner with her and her new husband is filled with insults disguised as "compliments" and comparing me to her "perfect" step-granddaughter. Now, second part of the story- a friend of the family died of breast cancer a little over two years ago, and before she died, bracelets were made similar to the "Livestrong" ones as a fundraiser for medical bills and general cancer awareness. I still wear the bracelet every day, no matter where I'm going or if what I'm wearing matches the pink. I know this might sound crazy, because it's only a bracelet, but it means something to me. My grandma buys jewelry for my sister, my step-cousin(?), and me from time to time. She always gets upset that I save those pieces for special occasions but wear my "plain old rubber" bracelet 24/7. So now every time she sees me, she'll have a bracelet that she wants to "replace" my pink bracelet with. She'll say things like "Maybe you can wear this instead of that piece of rubber" or "This is the kind of jewelry you should be wearing, not cheap dollar store stuff". The worst part was that one of the days she felt the need to comment on my choice of jewelry was very close to the one year anniversary of her death. I feel like it was meant to cut deep- and it did. Maybe I'm just getting a little too worked up over the situation, but I find it incredibly offensive. A good friend of mine died, and this was a bracelet made for a fundraiser for her. Unfortunately, she died before the fundraiser could take place, but the bracelet still holds the same meaning for everyone that owns one as it did before. To me it's not just a "piece of rubber" or "cheap dollar store stuff". It's a symbol of her life, and something I will keep with me forever. Someone tell me I'm not overreacting. Oh goodness no, that's not an overreaction at all. Did your grandmother even know this family friend? She must have been a wonderful lady to inspire such loyalty, and it seems to me that your grandma needs reminding of this fact. Also, you have two wrists, so if you just want to avoid the whole issue you could try wearing one of those fancy-shmancy bracelets on your other one, just to humor her? (Conflicting advice is conflicting, but pick and choose what to follow as you may.) |
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Post by Silva on Jun 10, 2011 16:06:54 GMT -5
I don't know if this rant will sound petulant or not, in light of what other people have to deal with. I hope it doesn't. It's also pretty long...
Background: My parents filed for divorce the summer before eighth grade, finalized it by ninth. Bombshells ahoy (I had no clue anything was wrong. I just fail at picking up a lot of social cues)!
This rant's not about the divorce. It's about my father, really. I understand all the reasons they got divorced, and though it upset me for years it was really for the best.
On to the actual rant, now:
My father's somewhat of a narcissist. He rarely seems to think of anyone but himself. Case in point: His idea of taking me out is taking me to the local tavern so he can drink beer with his friends and I can have (limited) Coke. Sure, I like his friends all right, but really, alone time would be nice. It's only occasionally that we ever go anywhere by ourselves.
He also promised me that I'd still see him a lot after the divorce. Uh, apparently not. It took him about two years to get married, move to San Francisco, and have twins with his new wife (and don't get my wrong, I like my stepmother). Now I'm lucky if I get to see him once a month. When I do see him, (this part may sound whiny, I suppose) it's the babies all the time. Sometimes I even feel like he loves them more because I'm not his wife's daughter- I'm his ex-wife's daughter. That part may be paranoia, I'm not sure.
It wasn't like I saw him as much as I should have anyway. He was forever at work, and then at the tavern. I remember being at the tavern a great deal of the time, too. My baby picture is on the wall- that's how much time I spent there.
Another case in point for narcissism: He actually told my mother that the reason I had improved so much with my Asperger's was because of him. I basically said: “...AND YOU WEREN'T HERE MOST OF THE TIME HOW CAN IT BE BECAUSE OF YOU?!” Indeed, I'm fairly certain he thinks that the reason I'm smart and blah blah blah is because I'm his daughter, and it was his genes that did all that. I mean, he doesn't think my mom is stupid or anything (and she's not, for sure), but he thinks he's perfect.
I've also told him that he was hurting me and that maybe he needed to take things more slowly with his wife, or that he should come see me more, and it still went over his head. He's not even aware of the fact that he has done so, again, because he thinks he's perfect.
Then when it comes to my AS he seems to think that since I'm his child I should be perfect and not have a disorder of any sort, and that I can just overcome it with a snap of the fingers. I should just be able to do anything neurotypical people should, because I'm 18 and have to learn to get out in the world. I turned 18 and I'm supposed to magically be unchallenged by social tasks because of it. Then, he thought those kind of things before... so maybe I'm not making much sense, or am going in circles, and such.
Edit: Also, about money. He constantly bitches about having no money of his own, because he sold his alcohol store when he moved to SF. With his knowledge and his wife's connections, seriously, he could have gotten a job in the wine business anywhere. I know these are hard times, but he didn't even TRY to find a job, just sat back and bitched while he apparently has taken three years to find a viable spot to open a wine store of his own (and even now, doesn't know if that spot is going to work).
Then he tells me he's not really going to help me pay for my college because he's 'broke' and even wanted to send me to a school that was less of a better fit because of it, while my mom is working her ass off trying to help me pay for it.
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invision
Armadillo Pup
Random Axe of Kindness
Posts: 47
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Post by invision on Jun 10, 2011 17:01:28 GMT -5
Your dad's faults here are... pretty human faults. I mean, I know it's hard to see your problems in a more muted perspective like this, especially when they're still going on, but your dad is, well. Not overly bad, compared to other people anyway.
Overall, he seems like a pretty cool person with troubles in relationships. He sounds more insecure than anything else - expecting you to be perfect, talking constantly about his children, and things like that. If he's really a narcissist, to some extent, it certainly fits the complex.
He loves you and is in your life. It makes sense that you're frustrated - completely so - but I think it would be wrong of me to just agree with you completely, even if you're just venting, because it would be embracing a really wrong, one-sided view of him.
Have you tried talking to him calmly about your relationship problems, or maybe asking him if you can go out somewhere specific, where you can be alone (like a sit down restaurant instead of a bar, or, hell, even your living room)?
It could be (at least a slight) miscommunication, where he thinks you're cool with the bar, and so is he, so it's basically the perfect place for you two. Although there's a good chance, if you've talked to him about it (going by my dad, who also has AS), he'll just decide what's good for him is good for you. >.< It's frustrating.
I have no real advice and no way to end this on a nice, concise note, so here I go, ending it suddenly instead!
Good luck.
James
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Post by Silva on Jun 10, 2011 17:11:57 GMT -5
Overall, he seems like a pretty cool person with troubles in relationships. He sounds more insecure than anything else - expecting you to be perfect, talking constantly about his children, and things like that. If he's really a narcissist, to some extent, it certainly fits the complex. Yeah, everyone else but my mom thinks he's so amazing. |
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Zeffy
Young Armadillo
Posts: 59
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Post by Zeffy on Jun 23, 2011 20:40:51 GMT -5
Didn't think I'd have to use this, but fuck if my friends acted like friends sometimes.
I just got a letter saying I'm kicked off of financial aid for missing 9 credits and my GPA going down 2.5 points. I really thought I ended my semester well. I did all my presentations fine, I got my papers in on time and within the page limit. I've never had a problem with papers before. I really don't get it. Without financial aid I can't go to college. If I can't go to college, I have nowhere to live.
/rant
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Post by Olive on Jun 24, 2011 7:23:37 GMT -5
Didn't think I'd have to use this, but fuck if my friends acted like friends sometimes. I just got a letter saying I'm kicked off of financial aid for missing 9 credits and my GPA going down 2.5 points. I really thought I ended my semester well. I did all my presentations fine, I got my papers in on time and within the page limit. I've never had a problem with papers before. I really don't get it. Without financial aid I can't go to college. If I can't go to college, I have nowhere to live. /rant Oh, shit, I'm sorry. That's a really shitty situation  Appeal to your profs/find out what went wrong? |
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Zeffy
Young Armadillo
Posts: 59
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Post by Zeffy on Jun 24, 2011 15:16:12 GMT -5
Didn't think I'd have to use this, but fuck if my friends acted like friends sometimes. I just got a letter saying I'm kicked off of financial aid for missing 9 credits and my GPA going down 2.5 points. I really thought I ended my semester well. I did all my presentations fine, I got my papers in on time and within the page limit. I've never had a problem with papers before. I really don't get it. Without financial aid I can't go to college. If I can't go to college, I have nowhere to live. /rant Oh, shit, I'm sorry. That's a really shitty situation Appeal to your profs/find out what went wrong? I was sent an appeal form to send back, but I have to give a good reason as to why I failed the semester. My only reason I can think is I'm socially awkward and my new job kept me eternally freaked out. That, and I have to maintain a certain GPA for the year and not miss classes and write a self-evaluation every month, and if I fail to I'll get kicked out of school. It doesn't sound that bad, but I"m just scared. And probably whiny, for which I apologize. |
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Post by onlyaworkingtitle on Jun 24, 2011 17:24:09 GMT -5
Oh, shit, I'm sorry. That's a really shitty situation Appeal to your profs/find out what went wrong? I was sent an appeal form to send back, but I have to give a good reason as to why I failed the semester. My only reason I can think is I'm socially awkward and my new job kept me eternally freaked out. That, and I have to maintain a certain GPA for the year and not miss classes and write a self-evaluation every month, and if I fail to I'll get kicked out of school. It doesn't sound that bad, but I"m just scared. And probably whiny, for which I apologize. Have you emailed the professors yet? They might tell you why they gave the grades you did, and if you explain why you didn't do as well as expected, they might be more lenient in future. Just a thought. Until then... have some chocolate? I've yet to find a situation it doesn't help. |
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Post by Marina on Jul 31, 2011 14:10:12 GMT -5
Ffffffff this is for a friend who e-mailed me this morning. She went to a wedding yesterday with her boyfriend. I guess, on the way there, he had established that he wasn't going to dance at the reception. Well, they finally get to the reception that night and my friend wants to dance. He refuses. She begs him, asking for just one tiny slow dance. This doesn't persuade him. They end up being the only couple sitting at a table, by themselves, because he refuses to dance with her. My friend really, really wants to dance. She loves dancing and feels embarrassed that they are the only ones who aren't. It gets to the point where her boyfriend just wants to leave, so they do. This just pisses me off so much. I've briefly met her boyfriend before but from the things she tells me, he never wants to do anything with her. I am surprised that he went to RenFaire with her. I am frustrated with him and a little with her for not getting up and dancing with somebody else. Or pulling a Luna Lovegood and dancing by herself. She just passively puts up with this shit and it pisses me off. She then tells me that she feels dumb for being upset with him, and I keep telling her that she isn't. Why are people so fucking frustrating?! From my own experience like this, the only thing you can do is help her realize how bad he is for her. Otherwise, she's not going to listen to anything. I had a friend like that, who had a boyfriend who only wanted her for himself and wouldn't let her do anything with any of her other friends. And he would get jealous when she would go out with her friends, he'd get mad, and they'd have an argument and she usually ended up being the one who apologized and who felt sorry. All of her friends told her how big of an asshole he was, she did not listen. She defended him. Guess what happened? He broke up with her and she called 911 and told them she wanted to kill herself. She ended up spending two weeks in a psych ward. I don't think I've ever felt so scared as when I saw a hospital ID and heard my friend's voice on the other side of that line. And guess what he did? Nothing. That's right, he knew she was in a hospital because of him, and the little shit did nothing. If your friend won't listen to you, find someone she will listen to. You gotta get it in her head that it can only end badly. |
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Post by Marina on Jul 31, 2011 14:23:26 GMT -5
Didn't think I'd have to use this, but fuck if my friends acted like friends sometimes. I just got a letter saying I'm kicked off of financial aid for missing 9 credits and my GPA going down 2.5 points. I really thought I ended my semester well. I did all my presentations fine, I got my papers in on time and within the page limit. I've never had a problem with papers before. I really don't get it. Without financial aid I can't go to college. If I can't go to college, I have nowhere to live. /rant Okay, I'm kind of in the same boat. I think I can give a suggestion that might work. Look at the community colleges (they are much cheaper usually) in your area, find out if they have classes that you can take that will transfer to college you are attending now. First find the classes you can take, then call (they get annoyed at you if you don't know what classes you want to take) BUT MAKE SURE THEY TRANSFER. You can do that by calling the registrar, talk to a transfer counselor and pre-approve those courses. You must call and make sure, otherwise they might not accept them later. Get your GPA up that semester (or year), prove that you can do well, and maybe they'll reassess your Financial Aid. Community colleges also have online classes, so if you have social anxiety, it can help with that. Also apply for scholarships. That way you won't be behind on your credits and you won't up spending that much money. Another thing is that in my area, if you can't pay the whole sum, you can make several payments over the semester. Sign up for that too! |
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Post by onlyaworkingtitle on Jul 31, 2011 17:50:25 GMT -5
Didn't think I'd have to use this, but fuck if my friends acted like friends sometimes. I just got a letter saying I'm kicked off of financial aid for missing 9 credits and my GPA going down 2.5 points. I really thought I ended my semester well. I did all my presentations fine, I got my papers in on time and within the page limit. I've never had a problem with papers before. I really don't get it. Without financial aid I can't go to college. If I can't go to college, I have nowhere to live. /rant Okay, I'm kind of in the same boat. I think I can give a suggestion that might work. Look at the community colleges (they are much cheaper usually) in your area, find out if they have classes that you can take that will transfer to college you are attending now. First find the classes you can take, then call (they get annoyed at you if you don't know what classes you want to take) BUT MAKE SURE THEY TRANSFER. You can do that by calling the registrar, talk to a transfer counselor and pre-approve those courses. You must call and make sure, otherwise they might not accept them later. Get your GPA up that semester (or year), prove that you can do well, and maybe they'll reassess your Financial Aid. Community colleges also have online classes, so if you have social anxiety, it can help with that. Also apply for scholarships. That way you won't be behind on your credits and you won't up spending that much money. Another thing is that in my area, if you can't pay the whole sum, you can make several payments over the semester. Sign up for that too! Just had to say. Really good. |
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Post by onlyaworkingtitle on Oct 7, 2011 13:11:07 GMT -5
I was awoken this morning by a call from my mother's partner saying that my mom had a seizure! Surprise!
I've spent the rest of the day with intermittent updates, mostly via text message, so they're all a bit cryptic, but I've gathered that they went to her doctor, who's calling it an abdominal infection? And are now at the hospital and she's having surgery. They're hopeful it's an appendix, because those are comparably manageable, but... Bah. They insist she's going to be okay and not to worry, but that's slightly less reassuring when juxtaposed with her being rushed into surgery. Um...?
So I'm headed over to their apartment now to check in on the dog and hang out until they get there, or until they decide to spend the night in hospital, at which point I guess I'll head there...?
Meanwhile, I feel a bit like a robot. What is a daughter supposed to do in this situation?
In other (less vital) news, I think I'm losing one of my oldest friends. While not as important as my mother's health, it certainly isn't helping anything. I repeat: Bah.
Friends, FYEMAs, countrymen, lend me your sympathy! And advice. Seriously, is there a responsible way to handle this, because all I can think to do is make brownies eat them all in one sitting.
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Appeal to your profs/find out what went wrong?
