Rant Thread.

[callmeishmael]

Sometimes it's nice just have a place to be angry and have it out there for the world to see. And since I'm having "One of those days" here goes the reason for my unhappiness:

So in this British Lit class I'm taking, the professor told us to keep a reading response journal for the class at the beginning of the semester, and that he would be asking for them periodically to make sure we were doing them.

So I figured, no big deal, and did them for about half the semester, when I realized he was never going to check them. So I just stopped doing them completely of course.

Well, today was the day of our final, and I turn in my paper and the final, and he asks where my reading response notebook is. I could have lied and told him that I didn't think we needed it and left it at home, so I could rush home and finish them and turn it in tomorrow, but I decided to take the high road, admitted I stopped doing them, and gave him the half semester's worth I had (luckily I never empty my bag so I had them on me).

Here's the best part: Turns out that notebook was 25% of our grade.

So the class I easily had an A in, if I luckily get half credit, the best I could do would be a High B, and that's with 100% on everything else.

And, on top of all of this, the dumb chick behind me uses the I left it at home excuse and gets to turn it in tomorrow, and I know she has a D. So I get screwed for doing well all semester, and she gets a second chance.

/endrage.

[Dodger Thirteen]

I decided to do the dishes today. Most of them go into the dishwasher, no problem, but my mum's new pots can't, nor can her steak knives. They have to be washed by hand.

Everything was going fine and I was almost done with everything in the sink. But halfway through the steak knives, I slip. And I slice my finger open. It keeps bleeding.

This is what I get for trying to be helpful.

[Olive]

It's always the Brit Lit profs.

I lost my 4.0 in my major this semester in my Brit Lit II class. I nearly lost my head, I put more work into the paper than I ever had in college, and I lost way too much sleep. The issue was I had missed two weeks of classes because of funerals. When I came back I thanked him for understanding, and he said not to worry. I could take as long as I wanted to catch up, as long as it was done by the end of the semester. Oh, except, don't forget, the midterm was at the end of next week. And no, I couldn't postpone taking it.

Meaning, I had to catch up in a week, not "as long as I wanted."

I managed to, and I managed to pull off an A- on the test. Which was apparently highly unusual. Then I scrambled to pull together a presentation that was due a week later, and the paper that was due the week after that. These together would equal 40% of my grade.

Thing is, what with my every other thought being death-related, I had a really hard time focusing. I seriously had never started a paper so early (I usually crank them out the night before, maybe two), done so many revisions, and so much actual research.
When I got it back, he thought that my presentation/paper sounded "a little bit scrambled."
Meanwhile, all of my friends had dropped out of college. But, since the semester had started off so perfectly, I kept going, with the idea of "it's ok, you'll still have a 4.0, this will all be worth it" as my motivation.

I may have gone a little pathetic at this point, and asked if I could re-do my paper. Keep in mind, this was all to avoid getting an A- overall in his class, where the A range ends at 96%. He agreed to let me redo it, and said he'd reconsider my grade.
During finals week, a week after I had turned the re-write in, I sent him an email asking if I could pick up my paper to see his comments. I would have just stopped by, but I had to work during all of his office hours.

He never responded. Not even the tiniest email, nothing.

Still got an A-.

I realize this sounds like "overachieving white girl problems," but this has seriously bothered me. The least he could have done was say "Sorry, this paper doesn't make up for your earlier failure." You know, acknowledged me after I had put effort into another paper for him when I had finals due in other classes.

Rwar.
/rant.

[Marina]

Not to be a downer or anything, but we just had a several small tornados in our area. Something I never thought would happen, because nothing ever happens here. Ever. A bunch of people are hurt and trees and cars are overturned, gas lines are broken and power is out in several places. But it's sunny and birds are singing on my side of town. I think I have survivor's guilt.

[Dobby]

My history teacher won't tell us how he's grading our final.

Instead of having a test for our final, we're creating a constitution as a class. We asked him how our final was going to be graded, because ,you know, that's a perfectly reasonable thing to want to know. So he told us that part of our grade would be based on participation. Which makes sense. But then we asked how the other part of our grade would be determined. And his answer was "I don't feel comfortable sharing that information with you".

Now, maybe this is just me, but that's absurd! I'd really like to know how I'm going to be graded on my final assessment.

[Dobby]

Jun 1, 2011 18:14:44 GMT -5 Marina said:

Not to be a downer or anything, but we just had a several small tornados in our area. Something I never thought would happen, because nothing ever happens here. Ever.

Massachusetts? Me too. Its the only thing on the news. I live closer to Boston though, so no tornadoes actually hit my town. Just be thankful the storms are pretty minor compared to all the tornadoes in the midwest.

[callmeishmael]

:/ Best of luck to everyone hit by those tornados. We only have earthquakes out here. I can't imagine what it's like.

[Marina]

Jun 1, 2011 18:24:10 GMT -5 Dobby said:

Jun 1, 2011 18:14:44 GMT -5 Marina said:

Not to be a downer or anything, but we just had a several small tornados in our area. Something I never thought would happen, because nothing ever happens here. Ever.

Massachusetts? Me too. Its the only thing on the news. I live closer to Boston though, so no tornadoes actually hit my town. Just be thankful the storms are pretty minor compared to all the tornadoes in the midwest.

Yeah, I live next door to Springfield, so my town is one of the ones that got hit as well.

And thank you.

[krista]

Jun 1, 2011 18:36:38 GMT -5 Marina said:

Jun 1, 2011 18:24:10 GMT -5 Dobby said:

Massachusetts? Me too. Its the only thing on the news. I live closer to Boston though, so no tornadoes actually hit my town. Just be thankful the storms are pretty minor compared to all the tornadoes in the midwest.

Yeah, I live next door to Springfield, so my town is one of the ones that got hit as well.

And thank you.

I live closer to Boston myself but I am so upset for all of the towns that got hit. My family and I were in the basement for 2 hours but we only got some rough rain.

[onlyaworkingtitle]

The tornadoes that ripped through NYC last autumn pulled the big, ancient tree in front of my house out of the ground and onto my stoop. No one was hurt, but my mom had to do aerobics to get in and out. (I was away at school and got to avoid that exercise.) Those things are real bitches (especially when they're in areas they really shouldn't be in -- climate change whaaat?).

[cyanea]

I was ready to blow a gasket after my Milton final.

The professor I had for that class, I had for another class as well. He came highly recommended from various friends, and all told, it was an informative, reasonably entertaining, and challenging class. He made it hard to get alone time with him though...his office hours were almost always cancelled week after week, it'd take him a month to respond to emails, and if you go up to him after class he wouldn't really listen...he'd just tell you to email him. See above.

Then we got to the final. I was the first one done. I wasn't trying to be...I just was. I write fast, a couple of the questions were copypasta'd from the midterm and I have a weird habit of remembering answers to tests for months nearly word for word, and more often than not when it comes to the kind of short answer tests that he was proctoring, I'm formulating the answer to the next question in my head as I write out the previous question's answer, so I don't have a whole lot of "downtime". He gave me a hard time when I turned it in, accusing me of rushing "to be first" and refusing to take the test until I went back and spent "at least ten minutes" looking over my answers. Not even TWO MINUTES after I sat back down, someone else turned in her final and he didn't give her a hard time and then someone else a few minutes later, and again: no questions. It's not the first time he's singled me out in front of the class like that, and it's really frustrating as to why. Maybe it's cause I'm taking two classes with him this semester? Or maybe because I almost never open my mouth in class? He's VERY picky about what he wants to hear. He'll shut you down in front of the class if you say something that he doesn't like so I don't bother, and there are other people in that class that do more than enough talking for the rest of us. Plus, I do contribute from time to time and there are people who haven't spoken up once.

Then came the final grades. The deadline to turn in grades to the registrar had passed without a word, and a friend from that class told me her grade was posted. I checked my grades for both classes online? "NC". Not Complete. It's a grade used for various reasons, but the biggest is for when the student didn't fulfill the requirements for a grade. It means, in short, you have a month's time to talk to the professor and figure out what you have to do, or it's changed to an F. Cue me freaking out because he had mentioned several times that he was going on sabbatical in Britain the week after finals and wouldn't be teaching next semester. I emailed him at least once a day. No response. Other people from the class who hadn't gotten their grades said that they had heard no word either. Finally...THREE WEEKS LATER, he sends out a mass email saying, "Some of you have seemed concerned about receiving NC grades. You shouldn't worry about things so much. Things have come up and I had to put off grading some of your finals. Final grades should be posted in a day or so."

They were. I got an A in both classes, but seriously...how the FUCK can you put people through that? "You shouldn't worry about things so much" a week before those grades would become F's with no word from you?

Fucker.

[alyoshka]

I'm still slowly recovering from my eating disorder and my close friend who's not skinny keeps complaining about skinny girls, and then she goes around telling me "I'M NOT THAT SKINNY". sounds stupid , am i correct? No, I have been suffering from this eating disorder for 8 years and It takes over my every day life. I can't stand being called average. i want to be skinny. Sometimes, I feel I am , but it's hard to see it in the mirror. In the mirror, I see a disgusting obese monster even though i'm 105 lbs. My friend trying to make me feel better about her past eating disorders is b.s because if she really had one, she would of lost weight. I am at the highest I have ever been and it feels terrible. I miss being under 90 lbs.

Sorry, I really really needed this rant.

[invision]

Oh. My. God.

My dad just spent twenty minutes talking to me about how the two strokes he's had in two months is totally a chronic illness he has no ability to fight, and whining about how there's no doctor-patient communication when he's made absolutely no effort to make this communication.

It's like he's decided that this illness isn't something he has any control over, or anything he can do to make it better for himself. It makes no sense to me. When you have problems, you own them, you don't... act like they're never going away.

I mean, fuck, he's not even at a point where he should feel that way. I feel like that about my depression, but I can't even remember what it's like to be happy. He can still remember what it's like to have full control of his body.

He's not tortured, but he's acting like he is. What the fuck? It's like he's got no clue what it's like to go through a real, chronic illness.

James

Edit: Oh, and I have something else to rant about. Might as well use this thread.

Today, it was the last day of school, and I gave out letters to four people in my school who I either hadn't had the opportunity, or hadn't had the time, to let them know what I thought of them.

One was this girl named Jessica. She has brown hair, blue eyes, and white skin. She isn't someone who is gorgeous physically, but she's one of those people who just lights up the room. She's always excited, and she's always smiling.

I gave her the letter I wrote to her, and she told me she was going to keep it and that it made her feel good.

The next person was Tom. He's a really nice, friendly guy who is always willing to help people, even without them asking. He's one of the best people I've ever had the privilege to meet. He's got a bit of a speech impediment and really oddly shaped lips (they always look swollen for some reason), but he's such a great guy. It's easy to get past those minor things.

Then there's one of my teachers. She's just this really genuine person, who listens to people and tries to identify and empathize with them. She's a special education teacher, and I just think she's one of the best people I've ever seen for that job. She's just a great person. She thanked me with a smile, and I think she really liked my letter. Hopefully. xD.

Then there was Mandy, who is a friend of mine. She's slightly obsessed with Japan, and had no idea how important she is to me. We're... Casual friends, really, but she's the only friend I have, really (the only one I've ever seen outside of school). She's funny, really pretty, and likes me for some odd reason (not romantically - I just like her and she likes me. As a friend.). She told me that the letter I wrote her was 'the best thing anyone's said to me at least all year.' Heh.

And then, there's my bus driver. I didn't write him a letter, but I realized on the way home that I should have. So, when it got to my stop on the way home, I told him what a genuine person he was. And is. He's such a great guy. He's like Jessica - a bright person, whose very existence and attitude seems to like up the room. He's so friendly, and genuine, and almost always has a smile. He seems to love people. So I told him that. He smiled, shook my hand, and told me to have a nice summer. Genuinely. I like him.

I brought all of these people some light, or some hope, or some self-respect. Or, at the least, I made them feel good. The majority of people I gave letters told me that they were keeping them, either directly or implied. I should feel proud, or at least hopeful. Right?

Then why do I feel so ... empty? I still feel useless, and like nobody should really like me, and that I can never accomplish my goals. I still feel stupid, and I still feel like I'm some kind of wimp who is making excuses about his own depression. On some level, I know I'm not any of these things, but I feel like I am.

I'm eclipsed.

It's like I'm reaching for the sun, but it's hidden behind the moon. There's no light, there's no nothing. I can't reach it, and I desperately want to.

I love the seasons, and I want to feel them. Emotionally. Summer is here. I should be reveling in the warmth, the life, the free time I'll have, the time I'll have to sleep in, the vacations I'll have, the friends I'll see.

But all I can think of is this emptiness, canceling out of that. All I can think of is this... Boredom. I don't want to be online. I don't want to read. I don't want to watch TV or play games. Everything I want to do, I can't do, because of my depression.

I feel so empty.

I brought people light, but I still can't see it myself.

Eclipsed.

[onlyaworkingtitle]

Jun 3, 2011 19:09:59 GMT -5 invision said:

Oh. My. God.

My dad just spent twenty minutes talking to me about how the two strokes he's had in two months is totally a chronic illness he has no ability to fight, and whining about how there's no doctor-patient communication when he's made absolutely no effort to make this communication.

It's like he's decided that this illness isn't something he has any control over, or anything he can do to make it better for himself. It makes no sense to me. When you have problems, you own them, you don't... act like they're never going away.

I mean, fuck, he's not even at a point where he should feel that way. I feel like that about my depression, but I can't even remember what it's like to be happy. He can still remember what it's like to have full control of his body.

He's not tortured, but he's acting like he is. What the fuck? It's like he's got no clue what it's like to go through a real, chronic illness.

James

Adults can be so infuriatingly stubborn -- far more so than young people, as they've had all the more time to become set in their ways. Your dad's gonna be stupid about this until he figures out on his own to talk to his doctor about the facts; nothing you say will change his mind about it, and all you can do here is "keep calm and carry on" (or, as I prefer, "keep calm and bake cupcakes"). It's a tough spot to be in.

Jun 3, 2011 19:09:59 GMT -5 invision said:

Edit: Oh, and I have something else to rant about. Might as well use this thread.

Today, it was the last day of school, and I gave out letters to four people in my school who I either hadn't had the opportunity, or hadn't had the time, to let them know what I thought of them.

One was this girl named Jessica. She has brown hair, blue eyes, and white skin. She isn't someone who is gorgeous physically, but she's one of those people who just lights up the room. She's always excited, and she's always smiling.

I gave her the letter I wrote to her, and she told me she was going to keep it and that it made her feel good.

The next person was Tom. He's a really nice, friendly guy who is always willing to help people, even without them asking. He's one of the best people I've ever had the privilege to meet. He's got a bit of a speech impediment and really oddly shaped lips (they always look swollen for some reason), but he's such a great guy. It's easy to get past those minor things.

Then there's one of my teachers. She's just this really genuine person, who listens to people and tries to identify and empathize with them. She's a special education teacher, and I just think she's one of the best people I've ever seen for that job. She's just a great person. She thanked me with a smile, and I think she really liked my letter. Hopefully. xD.

Then there was Mandy, who is a friend of mine. She's slightly obsessed with Japan, and had no idea how important she is to me. We're... Casual friends, really, but she's the only friend I have, really (the only one I've ever seen outside of school). She's funny, really pretty, and likes me for some odd reason (not romantically - I just like her and she likes me. As a friend.). She told me that the letter I wrote her was 'the best thing anyone's said to me at least all year.' Heh.

And then, there's my bus driver. I didn't write him a letter, but I realized on the way home that I should have. So, when it got to my stop on the way home, I told him what a genuine person he was. And is. He's such a great guy. He's like Jessica - a bright person, whose very existence and attitude seems to like up the room. He's so friendly, and genuine, and almost always has a smile. He seems to love people. So I told him that. He smiled, shook my hand, and told me to have a nice summer. Genuinely. I like him.

I brought all of these people some light, or some hope, or some self-respect. Or, at the least, I made them feel good. The majority of people I gave letters told me that they were keeping them, either directly or implied. I should feel proud, or at least hopeful. Right?

Then why do I feel so ... empty? I still feel useless, and like nobody should really like me, and that I can never accomplish my goals. I still feel stupid, and I still feel like I'm some kind of wimp who is making excuses about his own depression. On some level, I know I'm not any of these things, but I feel like I am.

I'm eclipsed.

It's like I'm reaching for the sun, but it's hidden behind the moon. There's no light, there's no nothing. I can't reach it, and I desperately want to.

I love the seasons, and I want to feel them. Emotionally. Summer is here. I should be reveling in the warmth, the life, the free time I'll have, the time I'll have to sleep in, the vacations I'll have, the friends I'll see.

But all I can think of is this emptiness, canceling out of that. All I can think of is this... Boredom. I don't want to be online. I don't want to read. I don't want to watch TV or play games. Everything I want to do, I can't do, because of my depression.

I feel so empty.

I brought people light, but I still can't see it myself.

Eclipsed.

Reading this, I had two thoughts:

1) You are the sweetest sweetheart ever. That's just such a nice thing to do for all those people, and I'm sure they'll never forget you, either.

2) This whole depression foolishness (not you being foolish -- those stupid chemicals in your brain that make you feel less than you are) always reminds me of the It Gets Better project, which uses youtube videos from celebrities or average joes who are now adults but were bullied in their youth to send a message to currently-bullied youth (particularly LGBTQ youth). That message is, of course, that It Gets Better -- that high school sucks, but life is less sucky the older you get.

Anyway, I know nothing of your sexual orientation, and you don't mention bullying, but that's pretty much what depression is: brain-chemicals bullying you, wrongly telling you that you are less than you are, less than you deserve to be. And while no, you can't just graduate and never have to deal with those brain-chemicals again (the way most people escape conventional bullying), you can get (and are getting?) help which will, eventually, make all that is sucky right now less sucky in the future.

So here's an It Gets Better video, because who can't feel better with a church full of gay men singing "True Colors" to them:


I hope this made you feel better, James. You deserve a better lot in life than the one you were dealt, but you'll just have to trust us older folk when we tell you that life gets better.

[Olive]

James,

I went through some fairly severe depression in high school. Bad enough that I dropped out. I remember the emptiness, the almost painful need to get up and do something while being trapped by the fact that nothing really sounds appealing. And I also know that no matter what someone else says to you at moments like this, you have to get over it at your own pace.

But you will get over it. Someday you'll find that your cheeks are aching from laughter, and it wasn't an act. You'll have the motivation to really get up and DO something, and you'll enjoy every minute of it. That might seem like a dream right now, but just try to trust me, it will come.

And, honestly, if you're anything like me, write. You'll hate every word you put down on paper, you'll think that everything is trite and either exaggerates how you feel or doesn't come close to describing it. But try to get it down on the page, no matter what it is. Some day a month, or six months, or a year from now, you'll find the writing that you had hidden because of how terrible it is. And somehow, it'll make sense. While it might be just a giant emotional rant, you'll get some insight into the situation, and you'll make your own advice based on that. The best part is, you'll believe your own advice, and things will get better.

Just let things happen right now, and talk it out. I'm sure you get this a lot, and I realize I'm a total stranger, but I'm here if you need me.

-Olive