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Post by cyanea on Jun 9, 2011 23:59:25 GMT -5
My parents weren't...the easiest people to come out to. They know about me liking men. They don't know (and will probably never know) about my gender identity. I never intended to come out to them at all. My sister overheard me talking to my then-boyfriend on the phone, and within a few minutes I was being yelled at to "COME DOWNSTAIRS RIGHT FUCKING NOW", etc. My Dad was deployed overseas then, so I don't know his immediate reaction, but Mom's? We had screaming matches. She refused to believe it for a long time, insisting that she would set me up with various single females from her work.
She actually asked me, one day, when my voice was going to change. "...what?" "You know...when's your voice going to go up and get all lisp-y?"
She's grown more accepting in the years since. She invited my current boyfriend to Thanksgiving dinner when we had it at home a few years back (usually, we go to relative's houses. Most of my extended family is deeply religious or deeply homophobic or both, so they won't ever know.) Dad seems okay with it as well. I can tell they're not 100% totally comfortable with it, but they're getting there and I'm proud of them.
I do have an awesome cousin I came out to...and then she turned around and came out to me, so it hasn't been ALL bad with my family.
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Post by Olive on Jun 10, 2011 8:32:00 GMT -5
I came out 11 years ago, but people only believe me if they know my gender identity. I should probably clarify this: I came out 11 years ago as bisexual, but later on modified it to "queer as fuck" because I couldn't really restrict my attraction to two separate sexes (and I was starting to question gender binary anyway). And I hate the term pansexual [in reference to myself]. It sounds like I'm attracted to kitchen implements. So, yeah, I've got all those arguments too, about how I'm just confused. My dad flat out refuses to accept that I'm not straight. =\ Oh god... when I was a freshman in high school and really feeling out the whole sexuality thing (I came out as bisexual in 8th grade), I found out about the whole pansexual thing. And it made sense, cause romance for me really wasn't about the equipment at all, so why say just bisexual? But when I started using that term, it just turned into a giant joke. One still lingers: "If only that tree had an orifice." I don't think I need to explain that... Blech. And yeah, coming out was interesting... I had just moved to a more liberal town, so before that year I had never really considered being attracted to the same gender. It just... didn't happen, where I had been. But I found a good (accepting) group of friends, and everything clicked into place. When I told my mother, she laughed. I'm not kidding, she laughed out loud and wouldn't stop until we got home. Then it turned into the "This is just a phase, don't take it seriously" argument. Which, you know, might have been semi-legitimate to say to someone about to start high school if I hadn't been dating a girl for... 5 months, at that point? She still asks, every now and then, if I've gotten over the phase... |
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Umbvix
Young Armadillo
SCHLURP :B
Posts: 64
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Post by Umbvix on Jun 10, 2011 9:23:40 GMT -5
I came out 11 years ago, but people only believe me if they know my gender identity. I should probably clarify this: I came out 11 years ago as bisexual, but later on modified it to "queer as fuck" because I couldn't really restrict my attraction to two separate sexes (and I was starting to question gender binary anyway). And I hate the term pansexual [in reference to myself]. It sounds like I'm attracted to kitchen implements. So, yeah, I've got all those arguments too, about how I'm just confused. My dad flat out refuses to accept that I'm not straight. =\ You just reminded me, at our first United Sexualities meeting of this just past school year, one of the seniors introduced herself to the newbies as, "Hi, my name is Dorothy. I'm pansexual, and no, that doesn't mean I fuck kitchenware. I have been asked." |
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Post by suffixedishness on Jun 11, 2011 18:42:24 GMT -5
I like everybody!
I go with pansexual, since I am not only attracted to men and women, but I also find transgenderism, transsexuality (transsexualism? I do love suffixes, but sometimes I am not sure about which ones go where. Can anybody enlighten me?), and intersexuality to be just as appealing. I've never had a chance to get to know anyone who openly identified as either of the latter two options, though.
At various times in the past I've identified as queer and bi, and in high school I claimed to be a lesbian, because there were absolutely no worthy guys. I've never called myself straight that I can recall, but for a long time I didn't discourage people who thought I was.
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Post by Vergissmeinnicht on Jun 13, 2011 13:19:32 GMT -5
I'm a girl and I find girls and guys attractive. I wouldn't say that I'm bisexual, though. I'm not confused either, I just consider myself straight because I can see myself having a relationship with a male but not with a girl. I'm rambling. I'll just stop now. Yeah. Same. I sometimes think of it as "bisexual/heteroromantic". /shrug. Yeah. I dunno. |
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Post by meggieinluckey on Jun 13, 2011 15:51:36 GMT -5
I identify as a pan/bi sexual lady, although I have only had sexual experiences with male identified individuals. As I have not had physical experiences with a person who was not identified as male, I have a problem with claiming that identity in a public setting, as I do posses hetero privilege when I go out on dates, and I am uncertain if it is fair of me to claim this identity when I do not know what all it encompasses (though I find ladies attractive WAY more frequently than I find a cute man).
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Annie Ozone
Young Armadillo
Death of Cars, Reader of Books, Drinker of Booze, and Generally Accident-Prone Lady
Posts: 88
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Post by Annie Ozone on Jun 13, 2011 15:55:51 GMT -5
Hi! I'm Annie, and since I agree with a previous poster that sexuality is fluid, I'll just say I'm a cisgender female who has only ever been attracted to men. However, I'd like to shout out to any folks identifying as asexual who may be lurking, as well as any survivors out there. One of my close friends (alas! a business major!) is asexual and [POSSIBLE NON-EXPLICIT TRIGGER FOR RAPE] a survivor of sexual assault (she's cisgender female, her attacker was a male acquaintance), and she gets so much flack when she comes out, especially to people who know about her rape. There's a lot of "Wait till you get back in the saddle" (AUGH!) that gets thrown around, which is horrifying. Not to be all Great White (Heterosexual, Cisgender) Female about this, but I know she's not the only non-heterosexual survivor of rape/sexual assault, or the only one who gets the "bicycle" line of advice. So, if you want to post about it or want not to post, that is awesome either way; I just wanted to point out the elephant in the room of any discussion of sexuality (hetero or not) and say: you are not alone. PS: I volunteer at RAINN ( rainn.org), which is an excellent resource for survivors of any sexual or gender identity. Sorry for getting my SRS BSNS up in this post that is about celebrating any and all sexuality--on with the party! |
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Post by ashshields on Jun 14, 2011 5:01:21 GMT -5
Oh, this could be informative. Closest I could identify to would be pansexual, but it still doesn't fit. I find myself attracted to personality over looks or gender. Often there's no real sex appeal at all, and if there is, it's minimal.
Coincidentally, most of the people I'm attracted to happen to be male.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2011 5:31:42 GMT -5
My flag is planted firmly in Camp Gay (and what a fabulous flag it is). I started coming out about three years ago, to my closest friends, then family two years ago, then a year and a half ago it went public and "Facebook Official". I'm always aware when I read other people's coming out stories that I've been incredibly lucky to be completely accepted by my family and my friends, and I've never been treated badly for being gay.
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Post by KatjevanLoon on Jun 14, 2011 8:22:16 GMT -5
Not to be all Great White (Heterosexual, Cisgender) Female about this, but I know she's not the only non-heterosexual survivor of rape/sexual assault, or the only one who gets the "bicycle" line of advice. So, if you want to post about it or want not to post, that is awesome either way; I just wanted to point out the elephant in the room of any discussion of sexuality (hetero or not) and say: you are not alone. First off, it's really horrifying that your friend gets that kind of reaction from people. =\ I have no idea what it's like to be asexual, but I do have friends who are and I try to respect it (though I still mess up and say stupid shit, because it's nearly impossible for me to understand). I'm a survivor, but I don't get any of that "back in the saddle" talk, because so far it hasn't really interfered in my sex life. [Trigger Warning: sexual assault; abuse]That is to say I was raped when I was 10 years old, and then had consensual sex for the first time when I was 19. When I was 20 I told my first boyfriend about the rape, except I didn't call it that and he had to inform me that it wasn't my fault and I hadn't asked for it (for 10 years I'd convinced myself it had been my fault). After that I told my mom, and now some other people know. I mostly don't bring it up unless I need it as a talking point when dealing with slut-shamers and victim-blamers (or hells, just people who are completely ignorant about feminism). Anyway, as I didn't realize it was actually, you know, rape until about 5 years ago, I haven't actually dealt with my issues surrounding it. I have consent issues, not all of them sexual, and I think most of them stem from the assault. (I've also suffered other assaults over the years, too, so that hasn't helped matters.) However, I also have an abnormally high sex drive (if there's an opposite to asexual, I'm that) and I'm in a relationship with someone that I love and trust completely, so I think it would be hard for an event that happened 15 years ago to affect that much. Knock on wood. People don't say things to me directly, but about a year ago I was at my dad's place and he was ranting about how he didn't understand how parents couldn't just know when their children were being sexually abused, and that if they didn't know that someone was mistreating their child they were bad parents. I stopped myself from saying "Well you seemed to be pretty oblivious to your girlfriend's son assaulting me when I was 10," because my father's reaction would probably be to beat me for lying to him. (When I told my mom, she cried, hugged me, and apologized for not knowing. Which is ridiculous; there was no way she could have known because she never saw me in the same room with my stepbrother and I didn't tell her anything. I was very good at hiding things when I was a child. I told her as much, but I think she still blames herself for not being a better mother, in her eyes. Which makes me sad.) I am planning on therapy at some point, but for now I don't have the time or money (and I have a huge fear that I won't find a safe therapist). Later, then. So, yes, that's my survivor story. *pats the elephant on the knee* |
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Post by ashleeoh on Jun 14, 2011 8:26:50 GMT -5
...and I have two moms which makes me care about these things more than the average bumpkin, BUT THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE. You say it's neither here nor there, but I'm curious if that was difficult for you growing up? My partner has a daughter, she's twenty months, and my partner's mother is rather annoyingly concerned that we have "chosen an extremely difficult path for her." I was raised (still live) in a pretty conservative climate and only met a couple of people with same sex parents but I lost touch with them before we started our family. Just never had a chance to ask anyone, really. (I just read your post about third grade...but maybe I'm looking for something more on how did your moms respond to that? Is there a way to make children of same sex families feel like they belong? Reading Heather Has Two Mommies?) If this is too personal, I understand and I can back off.  |
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Annie Ozone
Young Armadillo
Death of Cars, Reader of Books, Drinker of Booze, and Generally Accident-Prone Lady
Posts: 88
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Post by Annie Ozone on Jun 14, 2011 12:13:19 GMT -5
@ katje: There are a ton of resources out there, for free, online or over the phone. They do tend to be hidden, simply because of persistent abusers and trolls (yes, they do seek out survivor support boards, yes, they are disgusting). RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) is, as I have said, a great resource with many, many links; there are survivor forums and many survivor meeting groups. There's always the problem of safe spaces--training and education isn't always enough to combat inherent rape culture, unfortunately--but survivor networks have reviews and recommendations for therapists, support group leaders, doctors, etc.
It sounds like you've got a strong support network between your boyfriend and your mother, and that is awesome. There are also networks for family and friends of survivors, if they feel that would be good for them.
*paints elephant's tusks purple*
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Post by onlyaworkingtitle on Jun 14, 2011 14:42:09 GMT -5
...and I have two moms which makes me care about these things more than the average bumpkin, BUT THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE. You say it's neither here nor there, but I'm curious if that was difficult for you growing up? My partner has a daughter, she's twenty months, and my partner's mother is rather annoyingly concerned that we have "chosen an extremely difficult path for her." I was raised (still live) in a pretty conservative climate and only met a couple of people with same sex parents but I lost touch with them before we started our family. Just never had a chance to ask anyone, really. (I just read your post about third grade...but maybe I'm looking for something more on how did your moms respond to that? Is there a way to make children of same sex families feel like they belong? Reading Heather Has Two Mommies?) If this is too personal, I understand and I can back off. At my... fifth? sixth? birthday party, one of my friends asked me what it was like to have two moms. I answered first with a question: "You know how great it is to have one mom?" And all my friends nodded, because when you're five your mom's just the greatest person ever. "Well, it's like that," I continued, "only twice as much." They spent the rest of the party envying me. Anywho, yeah. Heather Has Two Mommies. Great read, it was definitely in my library. Ultimately, though, having two moms isn't such a big deal -- other than the aforementioned awareness of the Gay Rights struggle, there's not such a big difference from being raised by a heteronormative couple; all of the issues I had with my parents growing up were based on "normal" problems, like homework and transferring and PMS (though menopause was twice as bad, as they went through it together around the same time I was first getting my period; oh, the horror!). The issue with the school I entered in third grade... well, I didn't even connect that to my having two moms. It was just normal bullying, and if the kids want to bully someone, they'll find a reason. For me, that reason was that my family wasn't structured the same way theirs were; for other kids, it might be because they're overweight, or because they have red hair, or because they bumped into one of the popular kids one day and forgot to apologize. Kids are mean, and will take any excuse to exclude another kid. And yeah, having two moms will be free ammo for the other kids to bully your daughter -- but it's ammo that they really don't need. If she's bright and charming and outgoing, she'll overcome the obstacle -- just like overweight gingers who bump into popular kids overcome their obstacles. When I was being bullied, my moms responded the way any parents would respond -- they called the parents of the bullies (who, of course, did nothing), called the teachers (who could do nothing without making it worse), encouraged me in extracurriculars and in friendships with my fellow outcasts, and hugged me extra-tight on days when I came home crying. That's really all there is to do. Also, if there's a Quaker school in your area, I highly recommend you save up the money for tuition and send her there. Quakers are wonderful, accepting people, and nurture the same attitudes in students of all religions. Seriously, that transfer in eighth grade was the best thing to happen in my childhood. The only other advice I have for you is to stop thinking of your daughter as "my partner's daughter" and start thinking of her as "my daughter." You refer to your partner as your "partner," which leads me to believe it's about as serious as it can be (considering marriage probably isn't an option) -- and if you're in a serious, long-term relationship with someone with a baby, you are going to be that baby's second parent, no matter what your sex or gender orientation. When she comes home from school crying, you're going to hug her extra tight and call the principal and scream. When she tells her friends that having two moms is cool, you're going to burst with pride. It's all part of the territory of "mom." Accept it, buy her a picture book about a kid named Heather, and move on. You know she will. |
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Post by embonpoint on Jun 14, 2011 15:19:09 GMT -5
Oh, this could be informative. Closest I could identify to would be pansexual, but it still doesn't fit. I find myself attracted to personality over looks or gender. Often there's no real sex appeal at all, and if there is, it's minimal. Came across a term I hadn't heard before the other day: demisexual, which is where somebody doesn't feel any sexual attraction until they form a strong emotional connection with someone. [http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Demisexual] |
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Post by gabepeg on Jun 14, 2011 22:46:59 GMT -5
Oh, the information on demisexuality is really helpful. Up until I read that post I would say bisexual, but demisexual really applies to me and my girlfriend. Like, I can appreciate people's physical appearance, but it's not like I want to have sex with them. So far I have dated three different girls and all have been close friends. Though I have had crushes on boys whom I have had close bonds with in the past. So, I guess I'm demisexual. |
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