CreNonFic: Tirade of a Lavatory Hygienist

[onlyaworkingtitle]

This (very) short piece I wrote several years ago for a creative nonfiction class came up in recent FYEMA conversation, so I figured I'd return to it for some polishing, as it's still pretty rough. Here it is for critique! I'm eager to hear what any of you think.

Tirade of a Lavatory Hygienist

There are certain things which I particularly hate witnessing. Other than those dictated by the morals of polite society (killing, death, rape, hate crimes, and general unfairness, for example), this list includes not recycling. It includes eating food with your fingers that really shouldn’t be eaten thusly. It includes mistreatment of things of beauty (such as old, delicate books, or the shiny sides of CDs). It includes getting onto the elevator of a tall office building to go down from the second floor to the lobby when the stairwell is beside the elevator bank.

But above all, I hate the feeling when I am in a public bathroom, sitting quietly in my stall, minding my own business, and I hear someone in an adjacent stall flush their toilet and leave the room without washing their hands.

I am thoroughly disgusted by it.

I am thoroughly disgusted when I leave my own stall, wash my own hands and kill 99.9% of the germs on them, and then must touch the same doorknob as that filthy person before me, who did not kill even .1% of the germs on their hands.

I am thoroughly disgusted when I must spend the rest of my day eyeing the hands of my peers and wondering: Are these the hands of someone with failing hygienic practices?

Wondering: Didn’t their mothers ever train them properly?

Wondering: Why can I never find a pair of latex gloves when I need them?

Repellant! Revolting! Repulsive!

I can only hope that you, when next you use the lavatory, will remember this essay before committing this terrible faux pas of restroom etiquette.

[Dodger Thirteen]

Use a paper towel to twist the knob. 's'what I do.

Don't let Eternal Lobster read this. I warned her about the perils of doorknobs!

[onlyaworkingtitle]

But paper towel BREATHES.

Also: writing critique? Anyone?

[Dodger Thirteen]

While it's a personal piece, you still use "I" a lot. That makes it less likely for others to read and maintain interest as you come off as "conceited" in it. Try to use something else, or avoid pronouns.

^Advice from my writing instructor last semester.