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Post by Marina on Sept 2, 2011 13:50:51 GMT -5
Tolkien, obviously. Some of you may hate me for this but Robert Jordan's characters are so terrible they'll dissolve into thin air before the majesty of Tolkein's. And Georgie would be plotting and scheming while Jordan and Tolkien are fighting, and then one of his characters will stab him in the back before anyone realizes what's happening. HAHAHAHAH!!! I totally agree on the George thing! His characters would kill him in the most horrible way for what he makes them go through. |
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Post by onlyaworkingtitle on Sept 2, 2011 14:07:00 GMT -5
Tolkien, obviously. Some of you may hate me for this but Robert Jordan's characters are so terrible they'll dissolve into thin air before the majesty of Tolkein's. And Georgie would be plotting and scheming while Jordan and Tolkien are fighting, and then one of his characters will stab him in the back before anyone realizes what's happening. Except we're not basing the winner on writing or characters or preference -- we're basing it on a cage fight. With that in mind: Both Tolkien and Jordan served in their respective militias (Tolkien in WWI, and Jordan in Vietnam), whereas Martin has spent his entire life writing, so I'm counting him out in the brawl. Considering Tolkien spent most of his war days writing poetry and down with trench fever, compared to Jordan's two tours in 'Nam, various medals, and the hunting hobby post-war... Well, my money's on him. ... Yeah, I've done too much research on these people. Sorry for the overzealousness. PS: Jordan also wrote western pulp fiction ( www.amazon.com/Cheyenne-Raiders-Robert-Jordan/dp/0312876076) and historical romance ( www.amazon.com/Fallon-Blood-Reagan-ONeal/dp/0312859732) under Yet More Pseudonyms (pre- Wheel-of-Time). This factoid makes me chortle. |
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Post by onlyaworkingtitle on Sept 2, 2011 18:17:12 GMT -5
Except we're not basing the winner on writing or characters or preference -- we're basing it on a cage fight. Hahhaha, it can be a match based on anything, not necessarily brute force. But I love your detailed explanation! Ah... Rereading the instructions. If I had to take the SATs again (gods forbid), I think I would not do as well on the reading comprehension bit as I did Long Ago and Far Away when I took them in high school. BUT back to the battles. Um, um, um... Blanking on authors. Hrm. Nancy Drew vs. the Hardy Boys! MYSTERY-SOLVING TEENS BATTLE TO THE DEATH. Over cake. Or something. |
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Post by tosney on Sept 2, 2011 21:34:11 GMT -5
Nancy Drew would totally Mary Sue her way into the Hardy Boys' hearts, and then they would kill each other fighting over her. Not to mention, The Hardy Boys are too chivalrous to lay a hand on a girl.
Wait... that's more about the characters than the authors. Oh well. I can't think of any combination better than:
Orson Scott Card vs. Charles Dickens
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Post by Dodger Thirteen on Sept 3, 2011 11:24:49 GMT -5
CARD. Mostly because I hate Dickens and I have no opinion on Card. Fuck Dickens. (Ignore the paradox of my username.)
James Joyce vs. Joyce Carol Oates
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Post by andreaisabbbw on Sept 3, 2011 14:24:57 GMT -5
I'd say James Patterson. Though Evanovich's books are pretty clever. But WHY would Patterson win? I guess if it were a match between Alex Cross and Stephanie Plum I'd feel that Alex Cross would win, so I go with Patterson. |
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Post by tosney on Sept 5, 2011 20:52:05 GMT -5
I like some of Card's books, but I reeeally don't like his opinions on gay marriage or homosexuals. He doesn't believe same-sex marriage should be legal and wants to take down any government that allows it. Card thinks that any sort of homosexual behavior should be outlawed. He's infuriating. I find his political views rather strange, considering how liberal-esque the views of the heros in his books (at least in the Ender World ones) seem to be. Based on them, I would have pegged him a liberal Christian type or something. Still, I'm not going to base my reading of books based on disagreements with the authors, though I would not buy a copy if the proceeds went to an Anti-Gay Alliance or something like that. Anyone who is against same-sex marriage is infuriating in general >_>. (Honestly, I would not be surprised if his anti-gay attitude is a result of fear of his own homosexual tendencies. His voice/content when he writes sets off my gaydar just a little bit). |
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Post by onlyaworkingtitle on Sept 5, 2011 23:54:58 GMT -5
I'm going with Diana Wynne Jones on this one, mainly because I've got a beef with Anne McCaffrey. Her Dragonriders of Pern series was an awesome YA fantasy series -- until, about 10 books in, suddenly it was scifi. This was completely not okay. Dragons? Cool. Dragons on another planet that humans found via space travel? LAME.
Also, Diana Wynne Jones is pretty cool. I haven't read a ton of her stuff, but Howl's Moving Castle had some fantastic plot knots.
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Post by tosney on Sept 6, 2011 22:13:34 GMT -5
I'm going with Diana Wynne Jones on this one, mainly because I've got a beef with Anne McCaffrey. Her Dragonriders of Pern series was an awesome YA fantasy series -- until, about 10 books in, suddenly it was scifi. This was completely not okay. Dragons? Cool. Dragons on another planet that humans found via space travel? LAME. Also, Diana Wynne Jones is pretty cool. I haven't read a ton of her stuff, but Howl's Moving Castle had some fantastic plot knots. <3 Diana Wynne Jones. Have you seen the Howl's Moving Castle anime version? Anne Tyler vs. Jodi Picoult |
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Post by onlyaworkingtitle on Nov 6, 2011 11:41:22 GMT -5
Don't know Ted Hughes, but Sylvia Plath would defeat herself, so he wins.
Bram Stoker vs Mary Shelley.
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Post by Dodger Thirteen on Nov 8, 2011 17:23:53 GMT -5
Good pick, but I'll have to go with Stoker. Dracula would beat Frankenstein's monster, if only to vampirise him.
Beowulf vs. The Green Knight (from Sir Gawain and the Green Knight)
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Post by Marina on Nov 8, 2011 19:13:20 GMT -5
I'd imagine the situation would play out something like Arthur vs. The Black Knight in the Monty Python Holy Grail.
Beowulf will chop the Knight into pieces, cause that mofo likes to wrestle sea monsters for hours under water... for fun. What's the Knight gonna do, bleed on him?
Dante vs Milton
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Post by onlyaworkingtitle on Nov 8, 2011 23:57:36 GMT -5
DANTE
DANTE DANTE DANTE
I WILL ALWAYS GO WITH DANTE ALWAYS
<3<3<3
(You guys, he's the reason Italian is Italian. Like, for realsies. The language based itself off HIM. BECAUSE WE WAS THE BAMFIEST BAMF IN THE HISTORY OF BAMFDOM.)
So: Dante.
CRAZY DON TIME:
Don Quixote (Cervantes) vs Don Juan (Byron).
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Post by Dodger Thirteen on Nov 9, 2011 16:17:53 GMT -5
Don Juan. Don Quixote would just run at a windmill and be chopped in half due to a fluke in the mechanics.
*is now laughing at mental image*
Buffy the Vampire Slayer vs. General Zaroff (From The Most Dangerous Game)
...What?
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Post by Guest Armadillo on Dec 14, 2011 17:01:10 GMT -5
I only know who Buffy the Vampire slayer is, so totally her.
C.K Chesterton vs a Big Mac.
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